she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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