she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
