im drinking this country out of the recession.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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