if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
