Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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