Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
