You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
