Will you blow on my dice?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
