don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
