Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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