I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
