Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
