My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
