You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
