WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
