Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
