the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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