hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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