If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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