Kiss
Puke
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
