My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I want to be your penis for a week.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
