I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
