If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
