Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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