Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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