I'll bet she douches with gravy.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
