Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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