He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
