How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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