went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
