Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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