god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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