I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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