i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I wear drunk well.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
