Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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