Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
