After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
