I wish I could teleport
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
