I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
