I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
