I hate your face
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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