i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
