I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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