Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
