It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
