Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Randomize
