I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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