Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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