It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
