we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
