I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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